You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize