one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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