You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
