Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
