Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
