I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
