i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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