I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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