she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
