You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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