Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
