who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
