he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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