Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
