So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize