I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
