Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
