I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
