Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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