i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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