I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
it was like his penis was on wheels.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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