If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize