At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
