i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
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he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
