never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
