I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
We are all done wearing pants today
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
