my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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