found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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