After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
