Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I will pee on everything he values.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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