READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
My cat gives me a boner
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
