I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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