what day is it and did you see me today?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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