Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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