guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Randomize