I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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