My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
it's great music for shaving your balls
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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