you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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