he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
