My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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