I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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