well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
