woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
