Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
