"it" just moved
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
