That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
me + whiskey = a bad person
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
