actually, I'm a sock model
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Randomize
