i don't like sucking hair
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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