Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
