Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize