I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
