She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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