Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize