I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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