I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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