Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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