If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
