I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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