im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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