I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
