I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Someone shattered a urinal.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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