Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
wow bdsm is so cute
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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