God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize