Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
