He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
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