Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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