You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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