In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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