If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
