put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
