Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
