I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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