We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize