I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Randomize
