I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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