Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
