I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Randomize
