Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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