Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
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