The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
