A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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