I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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