Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I have fence marks all over my body
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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