I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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