I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Randomize
