i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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