so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
