I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
