Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
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