my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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