who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
