my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
