So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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