maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize