....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Randomize
