I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
