I think my fart just growled at me.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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