I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize
