I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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